I was the owner of Berry Fresh Energy Drink™. Berry Fresh was not just a name, but a rallying cry—an affront to our competitors, the shameless grifters who pumped the youth full of toxic sludge.

Read this manual carefully before assembling. Or don’t—your funeral. If you have any questions about assembly, operation, or repair, call 1-800-835-6765.

When I first saw your ad on the L, I was skeptical. No offense, but it looked like a chimp threw it together in Microsoft Paint. It was hella sketch.

Our desert-night camouflage pattern may bring back memories of the flak you donned in Bagdad.